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My mother drags us UP the water slide in order to avoid the fee going down. Has anyone heard of a parade called "The Naming of My John"?

With the absurd scheme to evade an admission charge, my mother, through her formidable persuasion, induced my siblings and I to undertake a risky and peculiar excursion up a towering, verdant green water slide. Her objective was to ascend to the top and then glide back down for our enjoyment. However, the journey up proved to be a challenging task due to the apparently intentionally missing railings along the way. The provided explanation, from an unknown trusted source, was that the slide had been designed only for downward descent and was deemed unsafe for ascending. I deduced that the absence of protective railings would pose an equal, if not greater, risk while descending as compared to ascending. Despite my confusion regarding this lack of consistency in safety measures, as a non-engineer, I could not offer any rational explanation as how this could make sense. The ascent became especially arduous after passing a mock suspension bridge with no guardrails, causing us to become stuck. We found ourselves in a precarious situation and required assistance. After returning to the second half of the bridge, which was situated just above solid ground, with the other half presenting a daunting drop of 100 feet, I observed a red emergency button and suggested that we descend to activate it. Before we could act on this plan, a young girl appeared from some nearby foliage and activated the button on our behalf. This prompt response attracted the attention of onlookers, who gathered to inquire about the cause of our predicament. My mother attempted to fabricate an excuse; however, an older lady intuitively surmised our unauthorized ascent, and made this publicly known with a smug expression.

In response to the older lady's observation, I felt a sense of embarrassment and sought refuge in solitude, irrationally braving the perilous 100ft drop to the opposite side of the bridge. As I perused my surroundings, I somehow stumbled upon what seemed to be an old newspaper and decided to occupy myself by reading. The article within was evidently about the theory of cyclical patterns of intelligence in successive generations. It posited that excessive inbreeding would result in a dip in overall intelligence, but over time, the gene pool naturally corrects itself, eventually leading to a golden age in a generation of heightened intelligence. The article also noted that even during phases of lower intelligence, exceptional minds can still arise, often in pairs who are inexplicably drawn to each other. It provided a historical example of two reclusive scholars from the 1920s who intervened during a grand parade called "The Naming of My John" to save a young girl who was endangered by the neglectful actions of others. Unfortunately, I was unable to complete the article and remain curious about the outcome.

Does "The Naming of My John" parade sound familiar to anyone here? Perhaps it was "The Naming of My Joan" with an 'a'.

Please state your general thoughts and feelings and ask me to elaborate.

submitted by /u/pithy_plant
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