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This dream terrified me and I want to understand it

It started out at a two story house in the woods with lots of windows. I found lots of bullet shell casings there, including a 20mm that I kept. More things happened at this house prior to me finding the shell casings, but I can't recall any of them. Flash forward to a massive bunker like building off a dirt road in a forest I was unfamiliar with. It was about ten stories tall, and it was filled with drifters, homeless people, and other societal outcasts. I may I have entered, but somehow I ended up on the other side of a massive river directly behind the building that was at least 1000 feet wide. Throughout the river were tall wooden poles like the kind used to hold up telephone lines. A rope that started directly in front of me was tied to the top of each pole and ended at the top of the building. The river was roaring and moving faster then any vehicle. I knew that if I fell in I would surely die, but I also knew that there was something so incredibly important and wonderful at the top of that building that it would be worth the risk, so I began climbing the rope. The climb was slow and terrifying but once I got close to the building, I saw a small group of the people who lived there waiting to help me up. One of them was a girl about my age. She reminds me of a former coworker of mine, but she was also very different and much more beautiful. Once I got onto the roof, me and the girl began talking. We talked about the meaninglessness of life and how all that mattered is happiness. I was very taken with her and she seemed to be very interested in me too. She led me back to her area in the building as we continued talking. She lived in a small concrete offshute of a hallway on a floor somewhere near the middle. All she had in her room was a bed on the floor and some other stuff scattered around. We continued talking for some time and things escalated. She eventually took my virginity. After that I was only in ecstacy for a few seconds, before she revealed to me that she had HIV/AIDS. I was horrified, but not angry. The conversation we had lead her to believe (falsely) that I did not care about my life, since that's how she felt and I seemed to agree. I also realized the situation she was in. She was homeless and addicted to drugs, something that I hadn't previously realized. I knew that she didnt mean me any harm, and I felt that I was the only one to blame if I contracted HIV. I don't remember how, but I ended up at my childhood home. I broke down and told my parents what happened, but instead of being horrified, disgusted, and sympathetic like I expected, they practically laughed at me. They told me that it wasn't a big deal if I got HIV since medical technology today could keep me alive into my 50s at least. This obviously did not comfort me and in fact made me feel worse since the idea of relying on other people to survive horrifies me. I then made the decision to know for sure whether I was going to die or not. I somehow acquired an HIV test. It was incredibly unrealistic. It was essentially a pregnancy test. I just pissed on it and it turned red, indicating that I had it. I knew in that moment that I was going to die, so I made the decision to kill myself to avoid an artificial life. However, before I could do that, the dream ended.

submitted by /u/1958callit
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