Main menu

Pages

1 When it rains, it pours, right? The day after I had my backpack stolen, I woke up from a crushing dream about my dead grandparents in which I had to operate an indefinitely complex heating system with super heavy levers in their house and fighting off potential new tenants, while realizing that I couldn't possibly hold down the place on my own. The absolute worst part of the dream was that they both were alive in it; I found them in separate rooms, each of them were innocently asking something to the effect of "but why are you so desperate?" and by way of some pre-conscious inkling I replied "because I know I'm about to lose you both" which is exactly what happens when you dream about dead people and you wake up and you have to realize that they're gone forever all over again. Both of their death-anniversaries are later this month, a time my mind tends to be aware of on some level, which I believe inspired this theme.

2 I find myself at the start of a date with this gorgeous and intriguing real-life acquaintance. I'm over the moon with her presence, in disbelief that she said yes to going out with me in the first place. We're entering a large building into an area that resembles a bar, it's bustling with people. I think we're approaching a large-ish table lined with benches next to a wall, where we sort of happen into a group of people we or I apparently partially know, I guess. Next, I lose sight of her when, all of a sudden, this sparkly-eyed dancer guy pops up out of nowhere and starts chatting me up, and then another friend of mine appears, and he's munching on bread (?!); as I start making my clueless way through interiors that seem reminiscent of an old ship's underbelly, looking for both my date and words I could possibly apologize with. I feel so distraught and guilty that I let these guys distract me and am anticipating her to not forgive me for ruining the night. I wake up, bewildered. It's so bizarre when my subconscious decides to cast people I've actually met!! I spent the rest of my waking day wondering if I do or don't have an actual crush on the girl, which never really occurred to me before, or if my hormones simply fluctuate, haha.

3 A snippet from another recent dream contained someone monologuing about how all the fascia in their body only reached down to their knees. I was just about to ask what kinds of complications such would imply when I woke up from my nap. 🧐 I have been trying to process the fact that I'm walking around on an unanticipatedly significant back injury; four vertebrae and three disks in my lumbar spine are affected, which produces various pain and sometimes a spontaneous stiffening mid-hike, accompanied by an intense sensation of contraction or compression. Perhaps my body registered pain while I was asleep? But in the dream, the guy(?)'s story revolved about the flexibility ending just at his knees, and this information seemed to be the most important detail.

4 In this dream, just Grandma was alive and living in a relatively large apartment with multiple rooms that I seem to remember as sun-filled. I'm there, and I'm busy doing various chores around the house, I think. The mood overall is chatty and cheerful, perhaps she's calling over every now and then from the other room, nothing of substance, more like general commentary and chatter that would indicate I've been there for a while, living together. She's well, I'm happy, everything's bright and fine though strangely, I seem to never get to a room while she's in it, like I'm always just missing her as I run around with a spatula or fresh linens or whatever else.

There's this front room that's next door or close to the kitchen; I get the sense that this is her bedroom, with a closet in the front corner beside the window. Both of which (the kitchen and this room) are facing the street, which I'm somehow aware of. There's a tree in front of the house, too, maybe something like a ...low tree with thin, soft needles? The outside of the house and the way it's positioned towards the street feels reminiscent of a collage of apartments I've lived in in real life, except it doesn't actually look like a building I know. I can't explain how I see this, because in the dream, I don't actually go outside. There's a washer in the kitchen, I'm not sure, but I think the kitchen cabinets may be pastel yellow. Everything about the furniture and the interiors feels really new and polished. And I'm just happily hurrying back and forth between things, talking and getting things done and feeling positive and excited.

And then I see this note pinned to a boared on the wall of this bedroom. The paper is thin and has light grey and pastel yellow background printing, similar to how things like blank doctor's referrals look around here. There's writing in blue ballpoint right in the middle of the paper; it's written in grandma's exact handwriting and I can clearly read that it says: "Ich bin immernoch da!!" (I'm still there/around !!). As I wake up, I almost find the happy mood of the dream harder to bear than the dark overwhelming chaos of the first one; it's like a look into the presence in her life I deeply regret not having before her death, like the bittersweet chance to glimpse into what that could have been like. And the note has taken a hold of me; I don't believe in the afterlife but it still haunts me. She's never been to where I live now, so I this saddened illogical thought that her ghost/energy wouldn't know how to find me follows me around ever since we moved, which was a few months after her passing. Also, I keep wondering if this bright shade of yellow color/theme has any significance at all?

submitted by /u/plastic_lex
[link] [comments]