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Can't stop dreaming about someone (mentions of NSFW)

So I'll explain some context first of who this person is and was to me. I met her in middle school through my friend(she was dating my ex, but that really didn't matter), and we became quick friends. We shared interests, had similar personalities, found the same things funny, and got along super well. So we became close friends, chatted online after school every day, and then eventually best friends by high school. As I watched her and my other friends start dating guys, I felt super jealous, and I figured it was because I was single, so I started dating a guy in our friend group. Nothing changed, I was still jealous, I was truly not interested in this guy, whom I proceeded to break up with because I realized that I was jealous of J's boyfriend, not of her. So she was my first real love... but she was straight, so I couldn't even try my shots with her and decided to give up and move on. After a while I got back with that guy I broke up with, thought I'd moved on for another while, but didn't actually fully move on until I broke it off with him again post high-school. I tried messaging this old friend in a platonic manner to see if maybe I just needed some closure in it all, as we'd stopped talking after high school, and that seems to have done the trick. I don't think about her anymore at all... Except when she keeps appearing in my dreams. I've been happy in my new relationship with M for nearly 4 years now, but I keep dreaming about her and my ex! My ex, I can kinda understand, we were together for 5 years, and every dream featuring him is a bad dream. However, every dream featuring thus ex friend is a great dream where we're still close friends, and we live together, or she's a girl I recently met and I have a crush on. They feature sex about 60% of the time, despite my dreams featuring literally anyone else real not featuring sex more than 1% of the time for the past 4 years. I never felt sexual attraction to her! Sure she was pretty, but I'm not sexually into girls or guys at all, being asexual. I don't know if this is an important note, but she looks a lot like myself, but shorter and more feminine. She is like my ideal, aesthetically. Honestly I just wanna know why she keeps popping up in my dreams in such an intrusive way. I know I can't control my dreams, but I often wake up feeling like I've cheated on my partner and I wish I could just forget this girl exists. I can't talk about it to my partner or friends bc they'll just judge me, so here I am.

submitted by /u/Shadows798
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